(There are graphic photos throughout the post)

I want to share about the beautiful birth experience of my daughter and first child, Chloe Sky.

This has been such an incredible year and an opportunity to use all that I learn and teach at a new level to create this entire experience from conception all the way through to a magical home birth experience in my 40’s. 

The main reason I want to share is one of the many things throughout my pregnancy that I found most helpful while preparing for my labor and delivery was hearing other women’s stories, watching birthing videos, attending classes and getting a glimpse into this amazing community of mamas and birth support that extends far beyond what I ever thought was possible. 

If you feel called or are curious to hear more about birthing, are expecting, may choose to have a child later or know anyone who can benefit from hearing another woman’s story, this is for you…

A birth story, pregnancy and postpartum is such a unique journey and experience for each of us. How our physical bodies change, the range of emotions, doubts, fears, overwhelm, strength, preparation, courage and determination may look different but are common among us all. And, of course the joy, excitement, love and nerves about this new being and responsibility. Along with the creativity, never-ending research, insomnia, endless reorganization, cleaning and decluttering that accompanies getting ready for this new chapter.

Even though labor and delivery can look different for each of us…we all have so many commonalities of what we go through and what can be most helpful through the delivery process. I was so grateful for my amazing midwife and doula that helped me feel comfortable, safe, educated and excited about the whole process.

While there is so much I could share (and will if you want to hear more or have questions just message here) today’s post is about the details and what actually happened during the labor and delivery process. Even with all the videos I watched and people I spoke to I felt like I was so in the dark about how it all goes down. 

And, I LOVED and felt so inspired hearing other stories, reading blogs, watching videos and seeing short clips on instagram. Each one helped me get even more clear on what I wanted and what could be possible.

This short version can’t share everything, but my hope is it may help you see a timeline of the process from start to finish. As someone who likes to know a lot first, I couldn’t believe how little I knew when I first got pregnant. My water didn’t even break until a few minutes before my daughter was born. 

Before pregnancy I thought you go into labor when your water breaks. I didn’t really understand what dilating meant and that our bodies are made for this. In my 20’s I was so afraid of the process. From being pregnant and actually birthing a baby. Over time I became more comfortable as I studied pre-natal yoga, took birthing classes, moved through a lot of fears and countless rebirthing processes and energy work. Our bodies are made to support bringing life into the world. We release hormones that assist us to make every aspect not only doable, but inviting, magical and beautiful even with the intensity.

Here’s a timeline of what happened.

Whether you’re curious, feel reassured hearing multiple stories or wanting some inspiration that anything is possible…here you go: 

Tuesday night: 

5PM- I think things were getting started. I threw away every candle that had scents around. Cleaned out my makeup. Cleaned the bathtub and shower. The last few things I had yet to organize and was putting off I finally did with so much ease and focus and just had to get it finished. 

I should mention the weekend before I couldn’t stop moving. I walked so much. I felt her move further down and shift a bit Sunday night (she was born on a Wednesday). I remember thinking I was getting closer and things were shifting. I was getting ready. I also thought that night, I’m not quite ready yet. I wrote all my letters to her Sunday and Monday night (these were letters from this book about what I wanted her to know, my wishes for her, what her first home is like…), finished some errands, went to the store, last things to organize. 

8PM– felt emotional speaking to my neighbor. Felt so much energy and a sweet sacred space that was expanding. I came into my room to journal and misspelled every word and gave up after two lines.

10 PM-decided to move my body, stretch and meditate. Felt some cramping but not intense and thought nothing of it. I did some visualizing for labor and delivery and connecting with my daughter.

Wednesday: 

12:30 AM– woke up to some pain. Couldn’t tell if these were actual contractions or not. I started youtubing “how do you really know if you’re in labor”. People said I would just know, but I didn’t find that to be true at all! 

I was super confused during this time. I wasn’t scared, but I was unsure of what was happening. 

2-4 AM– called my daughter’s dad to time contractions. I couldn’t speak much during contractions and had to focus on my breathing. The first few I just kept saying “ow” and breathing a little shallow. I knew I couldn’t make it through the whole process that way, nor did I want to. 

4 AM-6 AM– Feeling shaky after some contractions. Lori (my doula) called. She helped me connect to my breath and timed some contractions. They were still far apart and she encouraged me to sleep, eat and drink. None of that was possible for me at that point. One sip of a drink and I threw up three times. Contractions were too intense to sleep through. I was up and down from bed to the toilet constantly. 

Contractions started getting shorter. She reached out to my midwife that things were moving and giving updates.

6:45-bloody show. Started to lose my mucus plug. This was the first time I knew I was in labor and that things were actually progressing. Lori was already heading my way. I got in the shower to relax and after one contraction had to get on my hands and knees. 

Called my friend, Mariana, who was coming to the birth and lived far away so she could head over. 

7:15– called my meditation coach to help me get centered and spoke to him through the shower door for 15 minutes. This helped me clear some energy and connect to and own what I wanted for the process and move through some doubts that arose. 

8 AM– Lori arrived and found me in the shower on my hands and knees. (Luckily I had just unwrapped the bath cushions for knees and elbows the night before that were really useful. I was so glad I had cleared and cleaned my bathtub and shower just the night before too). 

We did a few more contractions in the shower and then moved onto my bed to help Chloe move further down. This part was harder and I really missed the water. We did a handful of contractions with the peanut ball. I was feeling really intense pain in my back–but it was totally doable in the water. I didn’t like the peanut ball at all but it did help.

9AM– Mariana and Mirna arrived to set up the birthing tub and get everything ready. 

Lori and I moved into my bathtub until my living room was set up and Nancy was on her way.

10:30AM -I think I went through transition in the tub and I remember telling myself “this is as hard as it gets” which was super helpful. I heard that many times in my birthing class.

I remember asking Lori if it was ok if I delivered in my tub and she said Nancy was close. I felt my body start to slow down and wait. 

Also, super cool was when Lori said she had to check my blue line. Apparently you can see this line on your backside that shows how dilated your cervix is. Seemed I was approximately 8 cm at this point. 

11:15AM– Nancy arrived. It was so reassuring that she made it and we were getting closer. She checked me and the baby, and the bath was too hot and the baby was tachycardic so it was lucky she wasn’t born at that moment in this hot tub. Things felt clinical and practical for a little bit and I was in my head while she checked everything and we spoke.

I moved to the toilet which was super uncomfortable for me and all I wanted was back in the water. I had to wait for the birth tub to cool down that was out in my living room. By the time it did I didn’t want to walk all the way there but Lori encouraged me it was worth it.

12PM– went out to the birth tub and I jumped inside. I LOVED it. It was comfortable, warm and super calming. I loved the water so much. Mariana and Lori were helping with each contraction to push on my back. Nancy and Kristina were helping check me and the baby and timing contractions. I was super sensitive to noises, chatter and everything around me. I had to breathe and really stay connected the best I could. The water kept cooling down a lot, so they added hot warm many times throughout the process.

I kept reminding myself to..

…relax my jaw, breathe deeply, connect to my daughter, feel my bodies sensations and breathe into them, relax and lengthen my pelvic floor, unclench my butt and squeeze my birthing combs Lori brought me (these were in my hand from the moment she arrived until 5 minutes before Chloe came out) 

Lori and Mariana helped running warm water on my back and pushing during contractions.

12:30PM-All I wanted was recharge ice cubes in my water. I drank a lot of water in between contractions. I loved resting in between. 

I also pre-made so many kinds of ice cubes in different fun shapes, I had no idea what I’d want and what would feel good. I wanted these little orange stars. It was so refreshing. I had coconut water, orange juice, lemon water and recharge cubes on hand.

Lori asked if I wanted to take a walk to move things along, I almost said yes but it didn’t feel right to get out of the tub. I just wanted to enjoy the water for longer and I didn’t mind if it was a bit slower. I rested in between contractions (still with the pink combs). Nancy and her assistant kept checking on me.

1:30PM-had a Reiki session in the tub which really helped labor progress and me to relax even more. In between contractions I felt so relaxed I was almost in a deep rest/sleep.

2PM- the first time I felt a spontaneous urge to push. I moved positions to my hands and knees and it seemed like it just lasted for a few seconds and then I relaxed for about 5 minutes. I think I had three pushes pretty far apart that came about uncontrollably. I didn’t have to do anything at all. They just happened. I also remembered hearing about this in my class. We don’t have to work to push. In fact, the spontaneous pushing is even better. I used to think you had to work so hard pushing for forever and struggling so I was relieved that wasn’t the case.

2:20PM- Crowning. I was nervous about the “ring of fire” I had heard about the burning sensation. This is what I imagined would be the most painful and what I feared the most. 

I loved hearing many times that it’s just stretching your tissue until you’re ready to deliver. Also, it doesn’t last more than a few seconds or up to a minute. We can do hard things–especially for such a short burst so that really gave me confidence beforehand. I kept breathing into this and it was so short. Lori reminded me this is what you visualized (I had told her about many visualizations I had done through this part of the delivery so I did feel prepared.)

I feel so grateful to have learned so much before that I wasn’t asking questions, worried or confused during any of the process at this point. I may not have known any specifics, but I felt safe. 

2:30 PM- Chloe was born at 39.4 weeks.

I also remember thinking how grateful I was to learn in my birthing class that babies take awhile to pink up. She was purple and covered in vernix. No crying, calm and had a good heart rate but was still. After about 5 minutes we were all gently touching her and laughing while she was on my chest. It was so nice that everyone was relaxed. No one was worried, frantic or stressed or overly stimulating her.

2:35- Chloe found her way to my breast and latched right on to nurse while I delivered the placenta. It was so cool to watch her climb right there.

I got to cut the cord and stay in the tub for awhile. 

When I came out her dad and I held her, weighed her and got to connect. 

I went to shower, wash my hair, go to the bathroom and it felt so good. I went back to get checked. I had some tearing and got my stitches and they helped us settle into bed for the night around 6PM. 

I will say, the stitches hurt the most. But I was so scared to pee afterwards with all I heard about and I was totally fine there surprisingly, so you never know. Have that peri bottle ready and breathe. 

I was also sooo nervous about tearing, I went to pelvic floor PT a bunch of times pregnant and bought courses on pelvic floor preparation for delivery and really didn’t want this to happen. It wasn’t painful when it happened at all, I didn’t even know through my shower and I felt great. It wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be at all. I did feel some disappointment like I didn’t do enough or could’ve done better. I had to let that go after Nancy came back to check on us the next day. We don’t always know why it may happen and she did come out kind of quickly with the pushing, but regardless I’m healed and it really was ok.

Feeling safe and having an amazing birth team that’s with you before, during and after the delivery is everything! Grateful I put in all the visualization time of breathing and allowing her to come out slowly because it helped me to feel more relaxed and prepared whatever the outcome was. 

Do what feels best for you! This experience is for you and how you choose to connect with your beautiful child. 

It was such a beautiful, memorable and incredible experience and first night. I LOVED being in the comfort of my home. I always knew if I had a child, homebirth was my only option. That’s what I was clear I wanted, and for me the least scary option, too. Many people and family were very concerned for me but I felt much more fearful about a hospital birth. I did have to work through some of that since so much is unknown and we have to be prepared for anything. I moved out lots of fears and doubts constantly throughout my pregnancy that I couldn’t do this at home so I had the best chance possible.

I know some women want to do research, some want to know nothing and get an epidural. Some want to do everything they can to increase their chance of making a home-birth a reality. Wherever you land, it’s so inspiring that we get to co-create this process (even when it looks like we may not–we always get exactly what we need that serves us and our child/ren).

I should mention I was also worried I may really miss being pregnant and have a hard time connecting. I heard this can be a thing and I imagine it is. I was surprised from the moment she came out I was so relieved to not be pregnant. It felt so good! I slept on my stomach. It did take me about 24 hours before I was hungry. I had big plans for some sushi for months. It’s funny the weekend before she came I finally ordered some cooked sushi then by the time I had her I had no interest. Be prepared, have ideas of what you may want, but no expectations.

SO many things I thought I needed/would want, had on hand I didn’t need but was grateful I was prepared for anything. I also spent so much time making a birth playlist. I started month 1 and listened to it for months. I’d connect to my daughter, meditate, visualize all the places around my house it could happen and do guided meditations I’d create in my head to prepare. But somehow I also knew I’d want silence on the actual day which is exactly what happened. I definitely had no interest in having the music on but that process was still so wonderful.

I loved being pregnant most of the time but by the last month I was pretty ready to be done and it felt good all night to finally have her here and not be pregnant anymore. 

And, that first night of sleep with your baby! It’s incredible. They sleep forever and barely make a sound. I remember Nancy told us what to expect and to get some sleep but we mostly stared at her all night long and slept in bed with her. I got some writing done and actually felt so inspired to work a bit too. I wrote Chloe a letter about the day she was born too.

I’m sharing some helpful resources below that I used below too of people and products I’ve used and loved.

Whatever you may be feeling reading this, I went through all the feels both before and during labor. There’s space for all of it without any specific emotion taking over. This too shall pass- so do you- whatever feels most aligned for you. 

Even if there may be aspects we could improve upon with hindsight, there is so much magic and beauty in every way a new being enters the physical world.

You’re doing amazing so don’t be too hard on yourself if you can. All our journey’s are different and we all have times of ease and times of challenge. 

Lots of love,

Laurin and Chloe 

(since this is even more her birth story than mine. It’s such an honor and so incredible we get to be a vessel, witness and have this experience). 

P.S. Wanting to connect, gain presence and feel even more energy in your body??

Join me for a free guided chakra meditation to help you prepare just fill out this form below and you’ll receive an email with instructions how to listen/download this journey.

Photo Credits: Elle Mika Photography and Lori Bregman Thank you 🙂

Resources: 

Midwife: Nancy Beyda 
Doula: Lori Bregman https://www.loribregman.com/

Mama Portal: Community and TONS of amazing classes for moms and moms-to-be https://www.loribregman.com/mama-portal
Birthing Classes: Kathy Killebrew https://www.imagineyourbirth.com/
Lactation Consultant: Roza Baghdassarian https://www.milconline.com/

Pelvic Floor Class: https://www.thedowntheredoc.com/

Some Most Used Early Products:

POSTPARTUM:

Milk Catcher

Tons of postpartum and baby products

Favorite belly oil and nipple cream

Breast Pump

Favorite Nursing/Sleeping Bra super soft and comfortable

Spectra Pumping Bra

Breastmilk Storage Bottles

Heating Pad

Chucks

Favorite Postpartum pads

Used with the pads for the first week

Peri Bottle

FOR BABY:

Car Seat

Newborn Convertible Highchair

Favorite Diaper Pail

Favorite Diapers

Game Changer Electric Nail File

Bath

Bath Comfort Pads

Muslin Cloths

Bath Towels

Burb cloths

Super Helpful Bath Sprayer that she loves

Developmental Play

FAVORITE CLOTHES/Swaddles and blankets:

All things Kyte Baby: Transition swaddle with velcro, blankets and onsies

Larkspur

Freebirdies

Tenth and Pine

Mori

Sweet Bamboo

Janie and Jack

Splendid