What’s your relationship with fear? 

The reason we’re talking about fear today is because flow can’t coexist with distress, resistance or overwhelm so today seems like a perfect day to discuss some different types of fears. 

There are so many kinds of fears, I’m going to share a few stories today and I hope they help you connect to times in your life when you’ve maybe felt some fear and used it to help you succeed or survive. Or, if there’s something you’ve been wanting to shift but maybe you haven’t quite tapped into your courageous, clear and confident self yet…know it’s coming in the perfect timing for you. 

Every fear guides you to a place where love, courage, trust, or clarity wants to be reclaimed. 

On the other side of that fear is you in your flow, feeling connected, open, full of possibility, clarity, knowing and ease.

Here are a few stories from my own experiences: 

Ungrounded Fears: You have a thought, get off balance and co-create an experience. It may seem like it was an accident, or shouldn’t have happened, but when you look back you can often see exactly how it guided you and how you were already off balance with your thoughts long before the ‘accident’. This can be injuries, car crashes, missing a phone call or something minor like stubbing your toe…

1. It was a beautiful spring ski day and I was feeling completely in my element. My grandma was really sick at the time and I immediately felt her mid-run and felt scared. I started getting ungrounded and paused for a minute. I remember saying to myself: “You’ve got this. You just need to get to the bottom.” I continued skiing and paused at the bottom again on a mogul. I felt myself let go of my certainty and shrink into fear. I felt small and off balance and I instantly fell through the mogul. 

I could say ‘oh I just stopped in the wrong place.’ Even though I broke my wrist on that fall, I still believe I was in the right place given my state of being. 

I truly believe we are guided and always in the right place at the right time even when it doesn’t feel that way. 

I believe had I been grounded and focused I would’ve actually been guided to have stopped somewhere else or in a way that may not have caused this creation. I know exactly what I was thinking about about a moment before I fell, and I know even before I fell or hurt myself, I was already off balance. 

Survival Body Level Fear: There’s a deep body awareness fear that may not even make sense but I truly believe is ALWAYS worth listening to. This is meant to help you survive. There’s a book called the Gift of Fear I highly recommend for exploring more on this type of fear that’s meant to protect you on a survival level from real threats, not the perceived ones that kick you into your fight or flight response unnecessarily–this time it’s preparing you for action.

2. Just the other day I was heading to a party with limited parking so it mentioned ubering as the best option. Now, I have NEVER had a fear about getting into an uber. Starting mid-day I thought I don’t want to take an uber. I actually ended up getting a ride to the party. When leaving I again had hesitation. I couldn’t quite figure out my flow and when to head out. I finally left and even wanted to ask this girl leaving at the same time if she felt like giving me a ride close by. That felt strange so I thought, ‘I’ll be fine’. 

The uber comes and I feel a little off. I ask for his driver’s license while half sitting in the car and he gets defensive and puts glasses on. I should’ve walked out, but his energy was so intense yelling and he said let’s go and I said ok, it’s fine. (IT WAS NOT). And, that was the best I could do in that given moment. 

I look down at the app moments later my body was shaking, I see my driver is hearing impaired and doesn’t talk only messages. I lowered my window and felt true fear. I now knew I was not in fact with the right driver. I texted friends the car info, my route and started recording on uber. I had 911 ready to dial in my hand. I kept voice noting my location and that I was almost home. I got super grounded, clear-minded and protective. I put up boundaries around my auric space and focused on getting home and visualizing the route there which he had been going in the wrong direction making me even more on edge, and then finally he turned and ended up towards my street. 

I share this story so that you always remember to listen to your body in moments like these and allow yourself to be an active and grounded participant. This is not a time to lean back and be passive and see what happens. I had heard a similar story on instagram months earlier and it gave me some tips that helped me feel more prepared as well. 

3. Another quick story that was similar was in college using survival level fears you can easily rationalize away. I was heading home for a holiday and took a flight. I remember boarding and I get to my window seat and someone is already in the aisle. I physically freeze and cannot sit there. I say ‘oh, I think I have the wrong seat’ and notice an open one in the last row and I sit there instead. If there had not been an open seat, I would’ve exited the plane and waited for another flight—that’s how clear I was. My body took action before I could even process it. 

A few days later, I’m at my dad’s office and he gets a call from the police station so he takes the call. I happened to be there at that moment because we were heading out to lunch together. The police officer wanted to ask me questions since I sat next to this man on that flight and he killed a woman on the flight and three others since he landed in New York and he wanted to know what I remembered. I told him my visceral feeling and he said it probably saved my life. 

Knowing the difference between which fears to actually allow to guide you and then the ones that really just keep you stuck and comfortable is critical. 

Turnaround Fears: These can be a variety of learned fears. The mental perceptions are what cause the body reactions and these are worth shining some light on so you have choice in your life. Now, some maybe don’t have as much impact on your life as others. For example, there’s a difference between riding on a roller coaster or riding on an airplane. One you may not want to shift and there’s no real reason and other downsides to your stress hormones and body alignment so you may choose to let it go. If flying is a true desire and could add value to your life or loved one’s, it may be worth doing some inner work. 

4. I remember one of my meditation mentors years ago used to tell this story about a guy being so scared of snakes he never explored in the woods. There’s a longer version of the story, but he went for a walk and thought he saw a snake and turned around scared. Then, finally, one day he goes out for a walk and comes to find it was actually just a rope. All along it was never what he even thought it was.

That reminds me of Halloween type fears. You can spook yourself out over nothing at all. 

Remember, you always have control over your mind. There are tools to practice and master—the result is possible. You get to choose where you invest your time and energy rather than be led by fear.

5. I’m enjoying playing with these types of learned fears with my daughter now. We’re leaning into Halloween decor and noises and making them fun before she sees other people or kids think they’re scary. 

The first time I pulled out this book that makes Halloween noises she paused and wanted me to push the buttons. After a few times we were connecting and laughing and once she knew she was safe she too enjoyed playing with these noises and characters. Playing spooky noises intentionally together in a connected way and not overwhelming her little body going too spooky, too fast. 

We went to a pumpkin patch and there was a little spooky house last weekend. I wouldn’t have opted to take her at this age, but she saw it and wanted to go. I held her and said ‘sure, we can try it.’ If she was scared—we’d leave. To my surprise, she walked in and said I’m not scared, they’re friendly. (We’ve been saying hi to friendly ghosts when we see them anywhere.) She loved the house and we walked through it three times laughing and engaging with the decorations rather than being scared. 

Remember, practicing tools before you need them when you’re calm is always helpful to your nervous system. There are also times to take baby steps checking in, reassuring yourself that you’re safe and connecting with people along the way can also be helpful. 

Alignment Fears. Here a fear is showing up as feedback to follow your knowing. The fear is not about taking an aligned action and more about how someone else with respond or what will happen if you don’t move forward. These are worth investigating and taking the necessary steps to overcome as they will move your life forward. 

6. I was at my first Tony Robbins’ event and I heard Tony mention an experience in India and I instantly saw myself there. I knew I’d meet this mentor he was talking about. (Spoiler alert, over a decade later, I’ve interviewed him multiple times, we’ve co-created workshops in my home and he’s even been a guest in my home multiple times.) When you feel or see something—trust it. And, I did go to India to meet him three times.

I remember Tony was onstage offering his program and I was going to sign up for the next series of events leading me towards that outcome and my boyfriend at the time didn’t want to do it…and didn’t really want me to either. I remember standing with the clipboard and having a choice. He wasn’t asking me to make a choice completely, but I could feel the shift. I knew saying yes to this meant we were breaking up and at the time I didn’t want that outcome.

A part of me stood there silently and thought ‘ok, maybe another time. I’m young, I can wait.’ but I knew it was my time. I followed my knowing more than my fear or rejection, confrontation, uncertainty or not being good enough and signed up. It took 5 events before I finally gained the courage and clarity around the relationship but it began in that moment. 

It’s ok for somethings to take time. You don’t have to act without clarity. And, you also want to be mindful of taking action where It IS ALIGNED without doubt or worry. 

Byron Katie has a helpful saying in times like these: there’s your business, their business and g-d’s business. 

This was me owning who I am and following my path and it’s led to almost 20 years of personal growth, thousands of people I’ve been able to serve being in my purpose, massive growth and a completely different life. He and I are still friends and we both followed our best paths. 

A reminder doing something for someone else is never the right thing for either of you! 

Read that again. 

Doing something for someone else is never the right thing for either of you. If it’s not truly aligned for you, then it’s not for the other person either. Even when separations are challenging, they serve the growth we all need. 

See, there are gifts in your fears. They can help you refocus. Claim choice. Survive. Expand. And, build alignment, love, purpose and prosperity among others…

They’re all worth noticing and then you have choice what to do. 

• Sometimes you let the fear guide you. 
• Sometimes it’s best to move forward building awareness of your fears and limiting beliefs and choosing to act with clarity.
• Sometimes it’s worth ‘turning on the light’ so to speak, lightening up and realizing those fears weren’t what you even thought. 

What does today’s share bring up for you? 

How can this impact your Halloween day today, and even more importantly, how you move forward with fear? 

It was so counter-intuitive for me for a long time, but the more comfortable I became knowing my darkest fears and thoughts, the more easily I could take action without them holding me back. This followed a long healing journey implementing many modalities of work. 

If you’d like 1:1 or group support, please reach out. 

With love,