Do you ever feel like things have to be just right to _____? 

Fill this in for yourself, whether it’s things need to be just right to heal, write, make money, connect with your partner…

We can often fall into the trap of believing we can control every aspect of our mind, environment and process. 

Seeking external control leads to disappointment and sometimes pausing progress until outside circumstances change. 

If X happens, then I can move forward. Or, when that circumstance changes, then I’ll have it all together or find the time…

Today’s message is about illuminating what’s been keeping you stuck, stressed and struggling. 

And, some reminders to CHOOSE what you can focus on and control. 

Whether it’s in small moments of doubt, healing after a surgery or break up, or larger life decisions, it’s the state of disconnection that disrupts your flow and your ability to create and live your life from a place of inspiration, clarity, gratitude, love and ease. 

There’s something you’re unaware of consciously that’s stopping you from being solution oriented. 

Or, you’re feeling so stuck on things being a certain way, you’re feeling frustrated and defeated until that changes. 

To be clear, we don’t gain awareness as a way to beat yourself up, rather my purpose in sharing is so you can use it to shine light and rise above disconnection into what’s possible…into your true home. A place where your intuition, guidance and inspiration are all connected and turned on.

You, as your most authentically connected version, don’t have the same mindset or magnetism as the disconnected you. 

I invite you to think of one area or aspect of your life right now where you’re wanting or waiting for something to change externally? 

I’m going to walk you through an example of an actual coaching message with a woman healing days after a major surgery. (Know, some of this is shorthand and she’s very familiar with and uses my work and tools.

I want to give you an idea of what it looks like and how you too can choose to take back control and your desired outcome. 

Are you feeling angry or helpless? 

1. What do you believe you need? What’s the ideal thought you’re having? If you had it all your way, how would it be going right now? 

W: “I’d have a peaceful environment to heal without these new neighbors smoking and being loud. They’re ruining my time to heal” 

2. Why do you feel entitled to have that outcome right now? 

I don’t ask this from judgment. When you’re focused on someone or something outside of your control, it’s because you have a belief. 

A belief that you deserve some outcome (this can be conscious and unconscious.) 

While some are valid and logical it still doesn’t always give you your desired result. 

It also misses seeing that you always have equal support and challenge, and there’s a specific reason for your growth and highest good. Accept the circumstance as feedback rather than a solid challenge that can move with the proper perception, acceptance and energy.

For her: “I’m entitled to this healing, because it’s my home and my private space. They don’t want the smoke in their home either, but then they’re ok for their smoke to come outside my home where I have it. I choose not to be a smoker and now they’re making a health choice for me that’s not fair”

Totally valid and logical thought. Yes, from one side, of course she deserves clean air and a smoke-free environment–whether she’s healing or not. And, since that’s not the case, let’s find the support that she’s consciously missing. 

This will allow her to shift focus from all about them and the lack she’s feeling and she’ll start to see where and how she can create and be in control of more ease for herself. 

L: “So when you feel them coming in and attacking your space, go to the specific moment of the perceived attack, who is there supporting you? List all the people that pop in your mind.” 

There were two virtual versions of herself as a child and myself. We equaled out the charge and anger from the neighbors. 

**I’m shortening a longer process and one that looks at multiple angles here. 

The key concept is to know and remember, you are supported to the same degree as you’re feeling challenged. Find the neutrality, and then go to your heart. 

I would love to have a space to heal. See if anything comes up when you repeat that as you body scan. 

3. What’s causing you to call this feedback to yourself at this time? If you feel like something is missing or you’re having trouble owning your energetic space and energy…ask why? What’s present? 

W: “I tried the glass to separate from them and for the first time I saw a hole in the glass and I was unable to repair it. It was on the level of my stomach. Was interesting.”

L: “Very interesting. Did you ask what the hole meant? And why maybe you felt vulnerable or like you need that energy in your stomach. Ask if there is any shame.”

W: “It felt like an attack against my healing. Like my stomach is my weak spot now and I was unable to protect it to heal it so the protection leaked.”

L: On a physical level, you’re having trouble digesting, integrating and assimilating, but I would ask your body on an energetic level when you see that hole, what do you see? Why do you perceive you need that hole right now? 

W: “I notice that the interior design of my new home is not chosen by me and it’s not totally my style. So much came with the house. I feel it’s difficult for me to energetically own my space here in this home when it’s not aligned with me.” 

4. What’s blocking you from taking strategic action steps practically and on a being level to upgrade your thoughts, habits and actions to create a new reality for yourself? 

W: “I’m searching for how I want to decorate so I can fit my house to my style and I haven’t found it yet. I don’t know what to buy. I want the general style idea first.” 

L: “First, some of the challenge may be that you’re trying to match a part of yourself with the home, rather than claiming yourself inside of your home. So you get to choose your style, and your creativity and unique sense of self is what ties it together with the house. 

Also, using this quiet time of healing as an opportunity to allow for inspiration rather than what’s not working or possible. And, the reality of it’s a process. It’s not time to tie it all together or complete this project right now. 

Is there a part of you that believes it should be complete right now?

W: “Yes, there is. That I can’t energetically own it without at least a vision or having it complete.”

5. If you were to choose to step into your authentic being how would that feel? 

L “If you were to choose to step into your authentic being, how would you feel about having to have it all done right now?”

W “I would feel rooted and grounded. They live under me, and my grounding has to go through the new neighbors.” 

L: “I want you to imagine them stepping off to the side. See your grounding cord and notice where it is now. What do you notice?”

W: “I can see smoke around the grounding cord.”

L: “Imagine moving the smoke off to the side. And, imagine your grounding cord connecting right to the earth, all the way down. 

When you connect down, and feel rooted, see your name there, see your home there in your mind’s eye complete (you don’t have to know or see how it’s all done).”

W: “I see glitter star energy.”

L: “How does that feel?”

W: Fantastic.

L: “I want you to imagine bringing that energy back up into your space. Filling your home with that stary glittery energy”. 

6. Where is the desire physically within you for this healing or change? Find the part that is ready, willing and able to embrace what you would love to create. And, see how it’s already here. More than one thing can be true simultaneously. 

W: “It’s in my face, chest, arms, hands. It feels a little weak.” 

L: “Where is it strongest?’ 

W: “My face”

L: “Go to the part of your face that is ready, willing and able to heal. 

What do you notice?”

W: “This is where I was resisting and now it’s starting to change. I see light beige and calmness now.”

L: “Allow that to move through your body. Knowing you are ok. You are safe. And, you are healing.” 

Tony Robbins has a saying, things are happening for you, not to you. This is a great example. 

7. What can you remind yourself of right now that is true? 

• That the healing isn’t stopping just because of how I’m feeling. That I didn’t destroy anything. 
• That there’s feedback and flow and I have parts of both.
• I get what I choose to focus on

There are so many, so find what resonates for you.

Here’s what this woman had to say: 

“When the window is closed, I’m not suffering because of the smoke. It’s hot and I’m annoyed about upgrading the ac which I’ve been wanting to do anyways so this is helping me.” 

We did another short exercise and she got an answer to do one room at a time to upgrade. 

L: Now, how does that feel? 

W: Feels like I’m in control now. 

Another tip when you’re struggling: 

Play with Distances. 

What do I mean by that?

First, think of the situation you’re working on. Where do you feel it? See it? Experience it? 

Is it close to your body, somewhere inside that doesn’t feel good or off in the distance. 

Whatever answer you get, do the opposite.

When I did this exercise with someone last week who was healing from a major surgery and feeling pain. She felt the pain on a body level. When she imagined herself up in the night’s sky playing with the stars at night, the pain subsided. 

It’s all about mastering perceptions, body awareness and learning how to be uncomfortable so you can ground regardless of your circumstances. 

Also, when this woman felt her peace being destroyed, this is what I commented: 

“Nothing is ever destroyed so I would just take a deep breath and say, it’s so interesting I called in the sense of feedback right now. 

I guess I’m healing on multiple levels and I need to see you and break through something I am not aware of yet and just see if you can allow that to pop in while you’re sleeping and integrate.”

Here’s to you stepping into your connection, healing and possibility today. 

As always, I love to hear from you. So please share any thoughts, feedback, how this helps or anything you’d like support with.

With love,

Laurin